A Brush with Death

What no-one tells you about near death experiences is they leave you with a really filthy headache, slightly unsteady on your feet and desperately in need of a large whisky. But whereas what I needed was two neurophen and a lie down with a tumbler of Macallan 12 year old, what I actually got was another chance to be thrown out of a boat followed by a long, steep and nasty walk out of the canyon. 

Our day of rafting the Zambezi River below Victoria Falls started well. Above the falls the Zambezi is a broad slow-flowing river. Then it drops spectacularly into a narrow and steep sided canyon. It’s a dramatic landscape to float down on a raft. The basalt sides of the canyon rise up some 100m almost vertically, providing nests for fish eagles and rare black eagles. Along the canyon sides are lazy crocodiles, and the river is abundant with fish. It’s also said that the odd hippo goes over the falls but it’s hard to believe they could survive the drop. Anyway we didn’t see any. 

Tourists navigate the canyon in rubber dinghies manned by a guide. The short tour that we took included 10 cataracts (or waterfalls if you prefer) graded between 3 and 5, with one being a 6 and not available to tourists. We saw a canoeist attempt this and to be honest I thought he was dead - caught up in an endless whirlpool for almost a minute. He popped up quite happy, but the other professionals were clearly very concerned and relieved. 

For the most part the river is serenely beautiful but the cataracts are dangerous. Our downfall, my near drowning, was on cataract number 8. Here there are choices of approach - easy, medium and hard. Our boat (not me) voted for hard, with a 90% chance of flipping. 

And of course that’s what happened - You are flipped out without any chance to draw breath and thrown deep (very deep) down into the foaming water.  It’s impossible to know which way up you are or whether you are going to come to the surface at all. I  felt myself running out of air just as the colour of the water changed to light blue and I popped up above the surface. I desperately tried to draw a breath but immediately a mass of water smacked me in the face followed by another and another and another. I realised that you don’t drown because you can’t hold your breath for long enough but because your windpipe fills with water and you simply can’t cough it up.

Strangely I found the boat with my hand and grabbed the safety rope running around it. Mistake. The boat pushed me further under the water. Henry, our boatman was on top of the upturned vessel and ordered me to the back of the boat. He promptly righted it, leaving me underneath - another ghastly underwater experience. In fairness his safety briefing came in useful and I knew how to get out from under. 

Then I was hauled into the boat, somehow still clutching my paddle. Very much in shock, breathing heavily and very unhappy. Everyone else thought it was great fun. 

By the final cataract I was beginning to recover. And then the boat tipped and I was in the foam again. More choking and another bad experience. I’m rescued but to be honest I would rather have taken my chances with the crocs than get back in that boat. 

Never, ever, again.